Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Trying to control feelings is for suckers

I spent the better part of 17 years trying to find the 'right feelings' to write this sci-fi philosophical/spiritual novel. I wanted not just to be enlightened, but to write enlightened. And so the story stopped being about anything but these feelings, and that's so effing stupid.

When writing and reading, and living in general, freedom is about experiencing more, not a limited scope of things, it's about feeling the breadth and beauty of life.

So the solution is just to jump into the story, and let the feelings flow, let the story tell itself in that free flow.


Monday, February 10, 2020

and just like that....

There's this great Ramana Maharshi quote,

"GOD IS NOT CRUEL 16th February 1937 3. A visitor remarks that it is cruel of God’s leela to make the knowledge of the Self so hard. Bh. (laughing) - Knowing the Self is being the Self, and being means existence – one’s own existence, which no one denies, any more than one denies one’s eyes, although one cannot see them. The trouble lies with your desire to objectify the Self, in the same way as you objectify your eyes when you place a mirror before them. You have been so accustomed to objectivity that you lost the knowledge of yourself, simply because the Self cannot be objectified. Who is to know the self? Can the insentient body know it? All the time you speak and think of your ‘I’, ‘I’, ‘I’, yet when questioned you deny knowledge of it. You are the Self, yet you ask how to know the Self. Where then is God’s leela and where its cruelty? It is because of this denial of the Self by people that the Shastras speak of maya, leela, etc. - Guru Ramana"

Well, damn if that quote didn't do the trick for me. Before this blog was this blog, it was called Just A Buddha, Laughing, and the basic idea was I was this 'enlightened guy.' But really, I had been this enlightened kid and lost the direct knowing of myself somewhere along the lines. So I just got that back from this quote, and...

It wasn't some immediate blissful euphoric huzzah and hooray! It was an almost imperceptible change in energy. Really, what changed was that I was no longer judging my experience, not my art or music or writing or really anything at all. After a few hours, and some sleep, what I've noticed is that a solidly good mood is starting to reassert itself, and my Self is kinda growing in a way as I re-identify more and more as being "of me."

It's like arriving home, yet only discovering that I've always and ever been home, I just didn't know it, and arriving home to find that home is BIG, and it takes a while to grow reacquainted with it.

Anyway, this'll be really great for my artistry, so I'm jazzed for that. Huzzah!