Thursday, March 26, 2020

Thoughts on Covid-19

Well, shit is going to hit the fan in the most serious way since WW2 and the Great Depression, and Trump is going to be hurled out of office. Bernie might even win this thing now but his ideas are taking over at last anyway. Viva la Revolution.

And no place is going to be hit harder than the US of A. 

When all is said and done, we’ll finally be out of endless modern ages and into very cool postmodern ages. The static age is fizzling out.

99 Revolutions.

This is all pretty well foretold in the music.

And my money will go into my creative media microbusiness.

But the best part is that endless prep and spiritual work is done and I get to truly create now. This is a day I’ve longed for a very, very long time.

Ram ram, amen.

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Trying to control feelings is for suckers

I spent the better part of 17 years trying to find the 'right feelings' to write this sci-fi philosophical/spiritual novel. I wanted not just to be enlightened, but to write enlightened. And so the story stopped being about anything but these feelings, and that's so effing stupid.

When writing and reading, and living in general, freedom is about experiencing more, not a limited scope of things, it's about feeling the breadth and beauty of life.

So the solution is just to jump into the story, and let the feelings flow, let the story tell itself in that free flow.


Monday, February 10, 2020

and just like that....

There's this great Ramana Maharshi quote,

"GOD IS NOT CRUEL 16th February 1937 3. A visitor remarks that it is cruel of God’s leela to make the knowledge of the Self so hard. Bh. (laughing) - Knowing the Self is being the Self, and being means existence – one’s own existence, which no one denies, any more than one denies one’s eyes, although one cannot see them. The trouble lies with your desire to objectify the Self, in the same way as you objectify your eyes when you place a mirror before them. You have been so accustomed to objectivity that you lost the knowledge of yourself, simply because the Self cannot be objectified. Who is to know the self? Can the insentient body know it? All the time you speak and think of your ‘I’, ‘I’, ‘I’, yet when questioned you deny knowledge of it. You are the Self, yet you ask how to know the Self. Where then is God’s leela and where its cruelty? It is because of this denial of the Self by people that the Shastras speak of maya, leela, etc. - Guru Ramana"

Well, damn if that quote didn't do the trick for me. Before this blog was this blog, it was called Just A Buddha, Laughing, and the basic idea was I was this 'enlightened guy.' But really, I had been this enlightened kid and lost the direct knowing of myself somewhere along the lines. So I just got that back from this quote, and...

It wasn't some immediate blissful euphoric huzzah and hooray! It was an almost imperceptible change in energy. Really, what changed was that I was no longer judging my experience, not my art or music or writing or really anything at all. After a few hours, and some sleep, what I've noticed is that a solidly good mood is starting to reassert itself, and my Self is kinda growing in a way as I re-identify more and more as being "of me."

It's like arriving home, yet only discovering that I've always and ever been home, I just didn't know it, and arriving home to find that home is BIG, and it takes a while to grow reacquainted with it.

Anyway, this'll be really great for my artistry, so I'm jazzed for that. Huzzah!

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

WOW life (relationship grows stronger)

So in the last month I released an album. To little fanfare. I don't even have the money to make up copies so I can make money off a show. I shared with a few choice people, and those who listened mostly unanimously dig it and I do too. I'm blowing out my ear-drums listening right now.

So the topic of SuppleStar came up in a big way in the relationship with Mizz Cardona Oh boy yeah....I mean, Cardona and I are still together we may have grown stronger for it but it wasn't easy for either of us and most especially for her Yeah yeah she saw how much I love SuppleStar. My guy friends never see that, but women I'm with do that's part of why I was so single for so long that's a lot of it, actually I didn't even want a relationship because I had thought it would be dishonest I don't think that anymore and Cardona has helped me get over her in lots of ways Just move on from SuppleStar well, I finally was able to explain what SuppleStar was for me I think its an ideal She saw me in the height of my glory, and I saw her in the height of hers, and it was the same glory, and she was honest and brave enough to look me in the eye and we both liked it and I blushed there were other epiphanies about the whole thing tonight Oh the brownies Cardona made I had had some, I've had more since but I got to what the bad trips were all about Nice dude it was guilt over all the shitty things I've done to SuppleStar So I sent SuppleStar the RIGHT apology finally and it released it doesn't undo anything and it's not demanding in any way, it was just really cool hum I likes when you called SuppleStar a bitch Lol she is, but she's also a saint "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a blank I'm a mother, i'm a sinner I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed" that was some big 90's song Yeah Terrible song asking RastaChick for guidance lol yeah I got into why I've been stuck in my writings like I accessed that Chat Conversation End Type a message...

That's conversation # 1 with Torn. Here's the conversation I then had with RastaChick

hey, i could use a woman's wisdom

About what, I may or may not know lol

fair enough. Yeah, so the topic of my ex that I was in grief over losing came up with Mizz Cardona in a big way tonight, and it was tough for both of us

we're still together thank God

That is good, what happened. I thought she had known?

I mean, she SAW how much I light up when I think about and cherish and love SuppleStar or at least the thought of her

and it hurt her heart

I like...don't know how to talk about it without hurting her now

but it's part of my truth, it's something deep and important to me which I honor and then it blesses my whole life and everyone around

and it's a part of me

That is a hard one, honestly tAlking about it around her is probably not a good thing. I know it's important to you but as you said it hurts her heart and that's not a good thing. It can still be a important part of you but I do think either keep it more private from her or the true thing is to move on from that love completely because you have a women who loves you right now in your arms and it's important to focus and appreciate that love right now

I can't move on because I have. But this is an important part of me

tbh I'm pretty sure SuppleStar's not a lover but just a guru

at least for me

when they told me that SuppleStar was delusional mental illness, i lost the ability to speak for a year

When you truly have moved on SuppleStar won't be as big of a part or as important to you which is why I wonder if maybe you have told your self that but it is still not completely dealt with. I don't not dwell or brighten up when talking about people I have loved that way in the past. I still appreciate their important roles in my life but I am not still in love with them

well yeah I'm still in love with SuppleStar and nothing will ever change that

it's been a deacde


I don't look at pictures of her

I don't have conversations with her

That is where that will be a problem for your gf right now. You sharing your heart with someone else

I just remember her because then I remember my best self and that blesses me

I know but you still love her

Like as if she was still a part of your life

And that's why it hurts desire

life sucks more when she sin't


nobody can fully replace her

at least nobody has

She wants all of your heaet

That may be a problem

well, that's why i suggested something

and we shall see what happens with it

You wanted a women's advice, that is my advice lol

well, so my idea

is to do acid

with her

with Cardona

and fully see her soul in its glory and her in mine

It may help lol

Only for you to tell haha

right lol


good talk

i have another idea

Lol what's that.

well what I really miss is the art of romance

SuppleStar was cunning and sly with that

and very very talented

well, maybe I can give Mizz Cardona and myself some homework in that topic


Haha very true!


Anyway, Mizz Cardona and I were sick for two weeks and she had some seasonal mood stuff going on and we had guests for too long and she has hardly left the place in weeks but things are improving and going to continue.

So that's all for now. Cheers

Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Just An Artist, Walking (Introduction)

I've seen myself as a sage, as a Beatnik poet (arguably the same thing), a hippie, an author, a poet, a folk/punk musician. I've seen myself as a goofball, a mess, a disaster, an asshole.

Really, I'm just an artist, walking. Walking through life. I've learned that running and standing still don't work so well, but when we walk, everything tends to work out. John Lennon said something to that effect.

i want to be an artist, i want to see the world as wet paint, i want the soul and the feelings to sing out of everything. i don't particularly want this blog to be one of great intellectuality, because i've done that too, but this is more about delving through the layers of the soul and celebrating the meaning--or rather, the 'meaningfulness'--of life.

There is one particular goal in my mind of all of this: to return to my universe the wonder, awe, and beauty I used to associate with simply being alive. How? Just by giving voice to my poetic voice, sight to my photographic eye, and song to my artistic vision. Yes, it is oh-so-much an artistic crush I have on life, but it also is a spiritual crush. Somewhere between the form and the formless is where artists reside, where art exists: a sculpture is just shaped rock, but what it evokes is something transcendental.

Life lives and breathes. Beauty exudes in my honey darling’s smiling lips and eyes when I reach in to kiss her. Life lives and breathes and I want to record this bounty I’ve stumbled upon.

Amen. Selah. Namaste. Cheers.

Thursday, November 28, 2019

So the story

I met her after a friend broke up with her, so I could pick up his harmonicas. And we just fell so soft and well and still are.

Nine days later I grab a cigarette to step outside and smoke. ‘Would you like to share a cigarette with me?’ I ask.

‘I love sharing things with you!’ She responded.

‘Well, then you’ll have to share my life with me!’ And I put the cigarette between my lips, figuring that’s that.

‘Did you just propose to me?’

Deer-In-The-Headlights, jaw drops, cigarette falls out of my mouth and bounces on the floor. A voice in my head says, "HEY! We need you at the helm for this one!"

‘Well, I didn’t realize that was what I was saying but...yes!’



Our love has been so blessed it’s surreal. She has a four year old son. He’s great! I think he speaks Simoleon, the language of The Sims.

And that’s that. Huzzah!